Q: What do you think is the most appropriate age to have sex? / When emotionally and physically is someone ready for sex?
A: I wish I had an answer that would be right for all people at all times, but the real answer is “it depends”. We are all unique individuals, and our relationships are all unique. Because of that there can’t be a standard answer to this question. Wouldn’t it be great if we could say, “The Thursday following your 6th date is the most appropriate day to start having sex”? But, of course, that’s not the way it works.
I think it’s appropriate to start being sexually active with a partner is when the relationship has reached a point where intimacy, commitment and passion are established and when both people in the relationship share pretty equal amounts of intimacy, commitment and passion with each other. I don’t think these things develop quickly, so I don’t think sexual activity is appropriate on a first date or early in a new relationship. I also think people aren’t ready to become sexually active if they can’t talk about it with their partner in a serious way, and also talk about safer sex practices, contraception (if appropriate) and possible positive and negative consequences and how you’d both deal with them. Emotionally, a person has to be ready to face whatever emotional response, positive or negative, result from the sexual activity, and they have to be willing to share those emotional reactions with their partner.
As you can see, I think it takes a lot for a couple to be ready to engage in sexual activity. If any of the above things aren’t in place, I’d say you’re not ready.