WARNING! IF YOU LIKE THE “TRUE” COLUMBUS STORY, DON’T READ THIS.
The True Story
On October 12th every year, we celebrate (and have a day off for) Columbus Day, where we remember the story of Christopher Columbus, the humble explorer, sailing straight from Spain to discover America. Wait, time out. That’s not right. That’s not the real story. Though Columbus did come to America, his crimes – that many are oblivious to – are many. The truth is: Christopher Columbus was a greedy, lying, killing, racist jerk. Why? Well, let’s start with the beginning: why he wanted to travel west.
The Beginning: The Fooling of Ferdinand
Back in old 1492, Christopher Columbus was financed for his journeys by King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain. Columbus wanted a new path of trading with India, and not for the happiness of other people, but for the great and powerful substance that we call “money.” He promised to the king and queen that he would win the Native’s hearts with goods deeds and all that. So Chris, with dreams of gold and silver, set sail. He actually didn’t reach North America, he reached today’s Haiti and Dominican Republic, which was a ton of miles off course. He stayed there for a bit, and pretty much broke his promise to the king and queen, but we’ll get to that later. After a while, the funding for Chris’s journey got low, so he sailed back to Spain and told the king and queen that he had found a path to India. The king and queen believed him, and financed him for three more journeys, sending him to America. So basically, our country was formed from a lie. Maybe you’re thinking, “Wow, this guy’s a greedy liar.” Well, it doesn’t stop there. Christopher Columbus takes another step, turning from a greedy liar to a cold-blooded terrorist.
Native Torture Methods
(This is a little gruesome. If you don’t like death or get squeamish when it comes to killing, skip this paragraph.)
Christopher Columbus wasn’t alone in the Haiti and Dominican Republic. He was there with the people who actually had the land 14,000 years before he was born: the Natives. These Natives were the main subject of Columbus’s abuse. To begin, in 1495 he created a “tribute system,” in which every three months the Natives had to give Columbus a certain amount of gold. If you did, you were good! If you didn’t, well, you had your hands cut off and you bled to death. When the Natives rebelled, Columbus used that as an excuse to kill them. “It was self defense!” Yeah, right. There were tons of other ways he killed the natives, such as burning them at the stake, slicing them with swords, bashing them with rocks, and feeding them to their hunting dogs if they ran out of meat. There are plenty of stories showing Columbus and his crew being cruel to the Natives, even innocent children and babies. When Columbus came to these places, there were 8 million Natives alive. By the time he left, there were 100,000 remaining. So, are you still thinking he was a great all-around guy? Probably you’re thinking: “Wow, Tucker. You’re right. This guy was a terrorist. Didn’t they have police? Why didn’t Columbus get arrested?” Well, he did, which I will explain…
Christopher Columbus Captured!: The Last Months of Columbus’s Life
Columbus’s evil became spread throughout the world, so naturally people with higher authority (and people with more humanity) came to know about Christopher Columbus’s crimes. Finally, a governor named Francisco De Bodadilla came to his senses and arrested Columbus for crimes against the Natives, and sent him back to Spain in chains. When facing the judge, the evidence kept piling up on Christopher, causing him to snap and to confess to all of his terrible crimes. They then sent him to jail, where he died in 1506 at age 54.
Columbus Day Has to Stop
So, after all that, do you really want to make a holiday for a greedy murdering scumbag? It makes sense that our country wants a hero. And other people are to blame. But making a holiday for such a bad person seems like a big mistake. Yes, the average student wants a day off of classes, and the average parade designer wants to make money. But this shocking truth about Columbus has been overlooked, and this mistake has to be corrected. We should take this day to learn about the real story, not the myth that our country has created.
Sources
“This Is the Monster Celebrated on Columbus Day,” Michael Coard
“Columbus Day Is Not a Celebration,” The Daily Targum
Great job! Columbus was a mean guy!